January is always the month when we tend to make pledges to ourselves – resolutions that require a commitment to do something and follow it through. Essentially the commitment to a resolution, is about putting your needs and what you set out to achieve as the focus for the year ahead. Putting yourself and the needs you’ve identified at the top of your maintenance list should be as easy and habitual as cleaning your teeth, so why is it so hard sometimes to do it?
There can be all sorts of reasons why - some practical, change of circumstances, change of mind/direction, but often it can be our inner thoughts and feelings that plague our focus and deter us from staying on track. So, what could these inner thoughts and feelings be?
Guilt
If you feel selfish for putting your needs first, this can cause feelings of guilt. But what does selfish mean? If someone believes they are being selfish by putting their needs first, this is usually because they consider being selfish as putting their needs first. However, in reality, there is nothing wrong with putting your needs first and considering those around you within the balance of what you need and what your intentions are. Putting yourself and your needs first whilst being considerate of others isn’t selfish or something to feel guilty about. By considering others and ‘onboarding’ them with your focus can encourage support. A question to ask yourself – What would you say to a friend who felt guilty for putting their needs first?
Are you being too harsh on yourself?
Staying with that friend, I wonder if you would criticise them or treat them with kindness. If you are too self-critical, listening to what you need and showing self-kindness can be difficult. The self-critical voice becomes the dominant force, when instead, the self-kindness voice should override as ‘its’ the one that listens to what you need. If self-kindness is something you find difficult to do, you may need to look at the reasons why you are so harsh on yourself.
Lack of motivation
There are lots of different reasons as to why we might lose motivation. Very often this can be because we’ve set such big goals for ourselves that they seem daunting and unachievable. If you think of a staircase, each stair working from bottom to top should be a step closer to achieving the ultimate goal. In other words, if the staircase has 12 steps, this could be divided into months, so that stair 1 is the goal that you achieve in January. By the time you reach the 12th step in December, you are able to reflect and look back on your achievement(s). The resolution that you set yourself in January, back at stair number 1, is now complete in its entirety. There are so many ways that you can get back on track but you might have to take time out and pause for a moment. Rather than criticise yourself for ‘not doing’ be kind to yourself while you regroup and listen to what you need.
Aesop’s fable “The Tortoise and The Hare” illustrates so many things, but in this instance it’s a great analogy of how a goal doesn’t have to be fulfilled immediately, it’s ok to take your time, put your needs first and recognise your achievements along the way.
