Trusting the Pain — Finding New Life After Divorce

I’ve just returned from an amazing holiday and had plenty of time to reminisce and reflect — not only on what has been, but also to appreciate what I have, where I am, and what I hope is to come.

One of the most gratifying realisations was recognising and accepting that who I am now, and the life I have, would not have been possible if I had remained in that relationship. Do I grieve my marriage? Do I grieve for the man I once loved? Yes, I do. But I am also deeply grateful for where I am now, and for the happiness I feel in simply being me — without compromise.

There is so much to re-embrace and look forward to after divorce — you just need to trust the pain.

The Heartbreak of Divorce

Divorce can be one of life’s most heartbreaking experiences. For me, the breakdown of my 30-year marriage felt utterly devastating.  A loss so profound that even my closest friends doubted I would get through it.

Yet, through the support around me and, most importantly, with the help of my therapist, I slowly but purposefully began to rebuild my life. I now believe I left the worst behind — and found a new beginning.

Therapy: My Lifeline and Inspiration

This journey became my motivation to train as a psychotherapeutic counsellor in Gillingham, Kent. Experiencing first-hand the healing power of therapy, I wanted to offer others the same safe, supportive space to work through pain, loss, and trauma.

Since those challenging times, I have experienced immense personal growth. I have rediscovered the zest for life I felt as a carefree 17-year-old, only now, I carry more wisdom and strength. The journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been transformative.

The Reality of Relationship Breakdown

When a relationship ends, especially unexpectedly, the grief can feel overwhelming. Feelings of loneliness, shame, and despair are common. It’s natural to question whether life will ever feel okay again.

I won’t pretend it’s easy, because I know from experience that it’s not. But there is hope. Inside you, there’s a quiet voice that wants to believe things will get better, even if that seems impossible in the moment.

Moving Forward: Trust the Pain and Lean on Support

Life after divorce looks different, but it can be rich and fulfilling. Healing takes time, and sometimes the bravest thing you can do is simply trust the pain, allow yourself to grieve, and reach out for support.

If you’re going through a relationship breakdown and need help, I have a comfortable private practice where I offer counselling in Gillingham. I provide a safe place where you can explore your feelings and find your way forward. Whether you are dealing with grief, anxiety, trauma, or self-doubt, therapy offers a pathway towards hope and renewal.

If you’d like to talk or want to learn more about counselling options, please get in touch. You don’t have to face this alone.